Remember Me Not

This is a couple days WAY over due in my book since it was supposed to posted on x-mas. Oh well merry x-mas and happy new years and yadda yadda yadda.

It's better to forget than to remember
It's better to believe than to wonder
It's better to move on and never look back
It's better if things never happened

Things have come and gone which is actually funny if I think about it hard enough and remembered what occurred in the past year. The empty holes that populated my head disappeared when the year turned over so it's my fault I guess. Though it makes me wonder why I wanted to do this on x-mas but I'll soon find out when I'm done with whatever this turns out to be.

It's better to forget things since it will only hold you down and make you look back. For some reason I just don't want to be remembered by people like I should just be one of those things that no one pays attention to. It's actually a pretty selfish thing considering that I just want to die...probably just as much as I want to live. A small clique but it's not a big deal in my life. To erase is easy but to face is the hardest thing that has come around within my life.

This past year is quite special though considering the fact that things happen for a reason and the chain effect of one thing leading to another. I never gave up the notion of wanting to die but for the first half of 2008 I wanted to live and yet there was no purpose for it, no actual drive so to speak. Even though I spiraled into depression in the second half, a horrible one filled with so many problems I can't even count, it is something to look back at. The people I met, the friends I made, the many things that I became exposed to was just exciting in a way.

I don't know what happened to me in the past year but it is a roller coaster like everything else. As one year ends another begins and the cycle starts anew waiting to played with like a child's toy just waiting to be used on x-mas day. I wanted my happiness to end but how can it end? I sacrifice it for others but still it lives on. A fading picture is what I think it will look like as time shines on it. The bright and vibrant colors in the beginning and then the dark and gloomy colors in the end.

I guess there are just things that I can't run from and disappearing seems to be one of them mostly because one person loves me to no end, I do more to others than I believe, and...well...I don't know what a third could be. I remember the reason now. I don't want people to be saddened by what I have done within their lives so it's better if they forgot all about me entirely. In order to do that though I would need to be erased from existence and I'm sure there are plenty of people who will object to that no matter how hard I try to convince them.

It's better to forget than to remember
It's better to believe than wonder
It's better to move on than look back
It's better to live than to die