Posts
1. Cause I have no life.
2. Everyone makes fun of me and I have no friends.
3. The internet is my best friend and so are its stalkers and online rapists.
4. I finally graduated from using a diary. Now all of my most private thoughts will go online!! (Okay...who REALLY thinks that?)
5. It makes me feel...better about myself.
So, if you had to pick one of these reasons as to why I made this blog in the first place and then abandoned only to take it back up now, then what would it be? If you pick number four, then you are both right and wrong...mostly wrong though.
Anyways, I originally made this blog as a place of relief and to be quite honest, it became more than that in my mind. Sure I am revealing some thoughts of my mind into the world wide web where anyone can look at it and read it to their hearts content only to chew it out and do something with it. I know I'm gonna be vulnerable to more than just the public though. The words and comments that I could be getting (if I was getting any in the first place) may or may not lift my spirits. Truth be told, I'm just trying to find out about my true thoughts and intentions. Fears and such as well. Mostly about my self worth is what I'm probably going for.
Being socially awkward with people is sorta why I fail at small talk. It's probably the main reason why I only have a small number of friends and an even small amount that I'll hold onto close to my heart and hope that it never gets removed. Having to go through it once...no...twice already is more than enough to make my self identity run into a fog of confusion. It went sour no doubt. I am afraid that it will happen again but I don't think I'll be able to handle it very well. Let's just hope that something good comes along and does not get torn away from me after a while.
Why did I suddenly decide to make a new post towards the end of 2011 when it was quite obvious that I had abandoned the blog? It is simple. I realized that since I lacked someone I could confide into personally, someone who would be there for me (I know I have one but she is not in town right now), someone who...well...I don't know about the third part. (I swear, it's like I'm a bitching woman of some sort.) So, out of an effort to find ''someone'' like that, i made this blog only to have ''something'' be my form of comfort instead. Sure it can't talk back to me but what do I care? It still listens to me but I wish it would talk back to me and hold me. Guess I'm reaching the point where I need physical contact with someone more than I do my various stuffed animals.
This is somewhat a cry for help (not really) but I'd say it's mostly me just venting about my bad issue right now. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep a promise that I made to my BFF at the beginning of my school year. Then again, why am I going to school to begin with? That's what I want to ask myself but I think it's like my mom says, the answer I give is just a cover up for my true intentions, what ever they may be.
...I probably did not even answer my title...did I?
