Confessions - A Healing Process, An Awakening Moment

Today is now going to be a down hill from me if I don't start studying soon. I still have home work to complete by Thursday and if I don't shape up soon, I will fail my classes which is something I refuse to let happen, mainly my math class because my mom keeps thinking I will fail. I don't even know if she even considers that people have different ways of studying and even if I tell her she will try to get me to change I predict but I don' want to go through with it so I won't even bother and continue studying the way I do. I bought those fountain pens because I couldn't constrain myself so now I'm going to run short by the end of next week T_T

Confessions are what relieve the soul of heavy burdens that hold them back. Confessions are the healing magic or band aids that healing a soul that is rotting in secrecy so confessions are the truths to our lies and maybe sins depending on how "religious" people consider it. We are full of confessions that are waiting to be spoken like rumors we started so long ago or thefts that we committed for something we wanted regardless of the consequences. I think the people who don't confess are the weakest and those that do end up the strongest but due to the society is completely unstable. I can see that because there are people who will climb the social ladder with honesty and dignity and those through greed, lying, and cheating.

I have many confessions myself but I have already spoken them out to the world and yet no one heard. I guess it would be because it was so long ago. I can't really tell if my confessions really did any damage to myself but I guess it sort of did since I could say it is quite a contribution to my current state. I don't know how I am able to keep together but I sort of feel like Bella from Twilight. That empty void she has in her heart anyways.

Secrets are what chew people up and spit them out since it can't be told to even the most trusted person due to special reasoning. Any secret I'm told will get forgotten overtime so it wouldn't do any harm anyways. I just wonder if I have other confessions that I still have yet to tell. Any lies? Any thefts I don't know about? Any broken promises? That I guess I won't know until a lot later, probably when I die or something like that.

The confessions are painful and have healing wonders though they are questionable. I have a confession that probably contributes to my current state and I'm sure that it could help relieve me of some burden that is hidden within my heart. My confession is that I am devoid of love through out my child hood or that I deny the feeling of someone else's love. Such a depressing thing but I want to know why now.