Appearances

Well, today is nothing better than any other day when it comes to ACCEL. Didn't fail that psych exam like I thought I would but then again I always say that about ever test and do fine in the end, with or without studying. Went to an AIDS presentation today which also featured people who are actively involved with GLBT activities but they mainly spread awareness from what I heard. I wonder if I need to do a reflective journal on that though. We were never told. Back to the GLBT thing, I got two pamplets that is Q&A about GLBT, mainly for friends, families, and the curious, and a pamplet about coming out which should be very helpful for me in deciding when to tell that I'm gay to my whole family.

Appearances doesn't make us who we are but it gives us a new identity that people look upon with new judgement. Appearances is basically one of the insane craze as being a teenager because we believe we are constantly judged even though people don't really look at us. People will complement on what we where but eventually, people will start to change their appearance to reflect how they act, though, I can never tell if the way people dress really do reflect that. Either that or they just want to look good in my opinion. Even the people that look cute don't really dress in a cute manner so I guess it's not a physical thing :3

I've had my hands full with appearances because WE are way to judgemental of others if you know what I mean and NO! it's not dirty. I look upon people and don't really judge how they dress because that means nothing to me but they way they act is what I look at more but discreetly so it's very time consuming. For example, I don't remember when this happened but I looked upon just one person that appeared in some of my classes and observed how that person acted around others. The clothes, half clique if you ask me, but the personality is that of a joyous nature. Over time, I am able to distinguish what made the joyous nature and what didn't. It's amazing what you learn just by looking but more amazing when you talk to them for a while.

Acting, now that's what I forgot to mention before the last paragraph. The way we act is way to rediculous because of that rediculous idea of being judged by an invisible audience every single day at every single moment...well, except when you sleep. I just get ticked off when people start acting high and mighty when really they are just acting tough to impress others. What a lame reason to act all high and mighty. Even jocks don't act that way at my high school though it annoys me how basically every guy swears and acts tough to others aside from doing completely stupid things. One day, that barrier will break and you can see the real person, not the person that you see on a daily basis.

Acting also comes with steriotypes. Now that is just pushing it. I mean, just because I'm Asian, I'm supposed to be smart and hard working like all the other Asians. Truth be told, I am smart but stupid. I'm good at comprehending things because I need to be able to do that in order to produce good stories so that carries itself over to the other subjects. Some where inside me, that happens and I some how get it. Another truth to the Asian steriotype, I am LAZY and I don't need to describe that any further.

The steriotype that drives me nuts, though I don't show it, is the gay steriotype. Gays are supposed to be all uppy somewhere as in they are really flamboyant. They can't stop talking about shopping and other things that girls do minus the make up and feminine clothing. Gays are supposed to be "dangerous" and a "germ" to the straight society ever since the AIDS epidemic in 1982. Fuck all that bullshit! I'm not flamboyant. I'm not crazy about shopping and other girl related things. I'm not dangerous or a goddamn germ. I'm just a normal person who is GAY. Being gay is different for everyone so don't even think about placing all of us in the same boat because if you do or even think about doing that, I'm going to grab a fucking shot gun, point it at your head at point blank range, and pull the trigger to blast your fucking brain out.

Appearances are nothing to laugh about. What's your next appearance? Heck, what's my next appearance going to be?

The day grows longer as my life grows shorter. Everyday I'm faced with problems and everyday I live through them, sometimes in the toughest way possible. And yet, the light continues to shine as the darkness continues to grow. I'm somewhere lost in the middle but either one will save me from my damage...and from my own life.